As everyone is well aware, Arizona recently passed a law making it illegal for undocumented immigrants to be present in the state. What you may not know is that similar experiments have taken place and failed. I have first hand experience with one of those experiments.

About three years ago, my wife and I decided to ban Dora the Explorer from our house. It was a particularly difficult decision. In fact, we were quite aware of the irony that we ourselves invited Dora into our house. Frankly, the decision made allot of sense to invite her over. In Dora, we got all of the benefits of a babysitter, at approximately 1/1016 of the market rate. (If we paid $12.00 per hour for a babysitter in thirty minute blocks for twice a day for thirty days, the financial decision makes complete sense — and yes, Dora did work for us seven days a week).

To be honest, we knew that Dora came with some complications. For instance, we had to decide whether Dora would have her own television to broadcast from or whether she would have to share the community television at the times that were available. We elected the later, though we recognized that it would have been more fair for Dora to have her own access to a unique broadcast opportunity.

We also knew that Dora would come with friends. We were willing to accept that Dora’s friends Map, Boots, Tico, Benny, Swiper, and Izza. Frankly, we did not mind too much. Dora’s friends often provided added value without additional expenditure of resources.

But what sent us down the road towards expelling Dora from the house was that Dora began co-opting additional resources. Not only was there the Television program once, but twice, and then three times. There were the videos. There were the books. And then there was the dora Castles, blanket, and ugly pajamas that she wanted to wear everywhere. We could not get away from Dora!

Then more started coming around. Dora’s cousin Diego began hanging around. After observing Diego we became convinced that he was involved in the illicit drug trade — I mean what nine year old has a submarine.

We were also certain that the baby Jaguar that he kept was being trained for pit bull fighting at a later date. Investing resources in Dora was one thing. But investing in Diego — a certain drug pusher and pit bull orchestrator — could not be tolerated. And it did not stop with Diego.

Soon this new gang, which we heard came from the same places that Diego and Dora came from (the Republic of Nickelodeon) started hanging around. This gang, called the Backyardigans are a bunch of idle ne’re do wells that we believed were affiliated with the infamous M-16 gang. For instance, they are always, always, hinting that they want more food. (Always talking about getting a snack).

Their ringleader Pablo seems to be insistent that wearing a bowtie makes him respectable.

The problem is that non-white people wearing bow-ties and leading gangs leads to violence every time. Really, it makes the whole wearing bow-ties business look seedy. Just think for a moment — when have white people wearing bow ties caused the types of crises that non-white people have caused?



Well obviously what started with an innocent attempt to save money created an irrepressible circumstance. Something had to be done